I grew up making life more harder on myself even though, life is a mixture of hard and good.
There are times I never believe in myself. I never did, because I thought I was nothing. And this made me think less of God.
Yes! I hated God. I was holding grudges against him for making me a disability out of poliomyelitis. I was that little girl that hated the hearing of God’s name in my ears and I could shoot you if I’d had a gun when the name is been mentioned.
The funny part of it, is that the same God I was hating was the same God I ran to when I got rejected, laughed at, made jest of and looked down on. I knew there was/is God, but I found it hard to let him in because, I felt if truly there is God, he wouldn’t have allowed it to happened to me at the first place.
But I was wrong! Very wrong!
I never accepted the fact that I am a beautiful lady. In fact, I hated that word, “beautiful” I took it as an insult because, I thought I was not beautifully upright or something like that.
And because of this, I went on my own way even though, I know God exist. I only go to church because mum will be angry with me. I hated myself so much that I never got the courage to tell people who I am except you found out by yourself and when such people finally got the information about me,they walked away and I found myself crying to the same God I was angry at.
What an irony!!!
As time goes on, I realized that God is right and I was wrong.
I sat down one day and I was like, what if God didn’t allow this to happen to me, what would I have become? Maybe a wayward girl, an expensive girl considering the fact that I would have had a figure eight shape and probably a disrespectful woman.
With all these going through my mind, I became angry with myself for not realizing all these on time. I was only hurting myself and not God. God saved me and he always received me when I am heartbroken.
And since then, I came to know that I am beautiful. I am ‘strong’, that word, “strong.” My uncle used to tell me that word and I will just take it as a way to make me feel comforted.I know I am strong, but I never believe that. I thought being strong, was to be physically fit, no, to be strong comes from the mind.
I realized that disability isn’t about physical appearance but the mind. I read it somewhere that, “the only disability is bad attitude.”
I wish I could bring back those times I never believed in myself, those times I hate going out of the house to meet people, those times I cage myself in shyness, shame and blame.
Yet, those times are part of my growth. I learned a lot in those times.
Hello you there, the only disability in life is bad attitude, bad characters, not being able to stand up for what you want, lack of approach and a body that cannot make use of itself.
Those people that feel ashamed to accept you the way you are, that sees you as unpresentable to their parents and friends are the same people God is ashamed to accept them as his children and are the same people with disabilities
I got to know that, we all have disabilities. And trust me, that’s where our strengths lies.
God cannot give you everything because if he did, you won’t worship him. I learned this from the story of Abraham and other Bible stories.
What you don’t have, makes you struggle for it.
Even the rich lack something.
So, this is my courage to you out there. Stop hating God as I did.
God have reasons for every situations around us.
He created you and he put you in that situation to make use of yourself.
You are important
You are beautiful
You are strong
You are the one God referred to in 1corinthians chapter 1 verse 27 to 29 as “God’s purpose and chosen one” to shame those who thinks nothing is wrong with them.
You are sweet
You are everything God wants you to be
You are someone’s prayer request
And above all, you are capable and able.
Hey, this isn’t a fiction, but a story of a little girl.
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